My Miscarriage Story Part 2

“I’m sorry but there’s no heartbeat” the Ultra Technician told me. Those words replayed over and over in my head and my whole body just felt numb. This was my first pregnancy so I didn’t understand for 100% that it meant my baby wasn’t going to get a heartbeat. I asked her if there was any possibility my baby would get a heartbeat, or if I maybe just wasn’t far enough along for the heartbeat. That’s when she told me she was going to get a doctor. I broke down and started crying, my whole body shook and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. My heart felt so shattered it felt hard to breathe. I didn’t want to believe it. How could this be happening to me? I was so excited to finally be a mom. Bryston came over to comfort me, but I was so broken I just felt nothing.

My doctor was delivering babies that day so I met with a different doctor. I thought she was going to explain what happened and why I miscarried, but instead she just gave me the 3 different options since I miscarried, she told me I could either wait and pass it naturally, but it is very painful and could even take months before my body would do so, or they could give me a pill to take they would speed along the process, it would still be painful and a little traumatic but it would be quicker then waiting, or the last option would be to have a D&C done which is a surgery where they would remove everything from my Uterus while I’m under anesthesia. She told me I could even schedule to have it done that day. I felt like it was just a nightmare and it wasn’t really happening, I could hear what she was saying but my mind wouldn’t process it all, nor did it want too. I told her I just needed some time to think about everything as I was still in shock from the news I had just received. I asked her if there was any possibility at all that my baby could still grow and get a heartbeat, but she told me unfortunately with two confirmed ultrasounds with no heartbeat that she has never seen a baby get a heartbeat. I was confused because the Ultra Tech had told us that the first ultrasound I wasn’t far along enough for the baby to even have a heartbeat yet, so I didn’t understand why they were saying I had two confirmed without a heartbeat. I called my mom on my way home to tell her.

Once I got home I laid on the couch feeling lifeless until my mom arrived and laid by me and held me. I told her everything that happened at the appointment, she called my nurse and talked to her so she could understand better and asked if there was something we could do just to feel at peace with the next steps I would have to take. She told us that I could have my blood drawn to check my hormone levels and if my levels were going up a lot, that would mean the baby was still growing and healthy. We scheduled that right away and went back to the hospital to have my blood drawn. I went back 24 hours later to have my blood drawn again so they could check the levels. Almost 2 hours later I called the doctor on call to find out my results. I was so nervous, I just wanted to know 100% I was making the right decision if I really did miscarry. He answered and I asked him to check my results, he told me that my hormone levels had gone up quite a bit actually, but then he said it didn’t matter in my case though because there was no baby. My heart dropped and I didn’t understand what he was saying. I quickly got off the phone and told my husband what he said. We didn’t understand because the Ultra Tech had just told us how much the baby and sac had grown since the last appointment, so we weren’t sure why he was saying there was no baby. We were so tired of everyone at that hospital telling us all different information, I didn’t feel like I could make a decision on what to do next because I didn’t feel at peace yet.

We called my sisters OBGYN to have his opinion on everything and had my charts send over to his office. We met with him that same week and explained everything that they had told us and at first he thought based off what they sent that I had something called a blighted ovum, where you are pregnant and you have an egg sac and an egg yolk but the baby never begins to form. I showed him a picture of my ultrasounds and he said he could definitely see a fetal pole starting so he ruled the blighted ovum out. He was a little confused as well because he said with how high my hormone levels were that my pregnancy normally would be very healthy. He wanted to have another ultrasound performed so he sent us to LDS hospital to have an external and an internal ultrasound done. We drove straight there and their ultra tech did a very in depth ultrasound with pictures and videos. My OBGYN told us he would call us to explain everything they found out so he could be the one to tell us in a way we would understand. During the ultrasound I could tell it was different this time, my sac had grown but the egg yolk with the baby wasn’t growing. I knew this pregnancy wasn’t viable and as broken as I was, I felt at peace because now I knew for myself. The doctor called me and explained that they checked everything and that my body was very healthy and the blood flow to my ovaries was strong and that sometimes your body will recognize something wrong or toxic with the pregnancy and your body will terminate it. I felt better knowing there was nothing I did or could’ve done differently, but still it was so hard because I really wanted that little baby.

I scheduled to have a D&C done because I was still so sick and didn’t want to wait to pass everything naturally because I couldn’t stand being pregnant for several months knowing the baby wasn’t going to grow. I also didn’t want to cramp hard and bleed more than I needed too. Sometimes you can get infections as well if you don’t go in to the doctor, so I decided the D&C was the best option for me. During a D&C you can bleed just as much as an actual birth. My doctor discovered something very rare during my D&C about me that I had no idea about. If you want to keep reading about my experience with my miscarriage please subscribe to my blog! My next blog post will be about my D&C and what my doctor discovered during my D&C.