My Miscarriage Story Part 1

A little backstory about me, my mom had a dream she was going to have a little baby girl with dark hair before she was even pregnant, the doctor told my mom she probably wouldn't have anymore kids (she had 3 miscarriages between my older brother and I) but god had different plans. She soon found out she was pregnant with a baby girl. When the baby was born, she was the exact same baby from her dream, same hair and same little face. I was her little dream baby. Shortly after me she prayed for another baby so I would have someone to grow up with, and she had my sister Ashley.

I kept having dreams about this little baby and felt like it was time to start trying for a baby. I have always known that I wanted kids and decided that I was ready to start a family. Bryston and I talked about it and we both felt good about this decision, so in July we had my Nexplanon birth control taken out. For those of you who don't know what Nexplanon is, it is a type of birth control that is implanted into your arm and can last up to 3 years.

Bryston and I were on a kickball team and played every Thursday night, after our game we went to hang out with our best friends, my friend and I were synced up on our period's and she had just ended hers, I was a little concerned because mine hadn't even started. I had found out that I had an ovarian cyst that was causing me pain and discomfort, so we thought we had missed my ovulation cycle, I thought there was no way I could be pregnant, especially because I had just been to the OBGYN to have my cyst checked out, I figured if I was pregnant they would have said something. I had one pregnancy test left over from the month before, and decided that I would take it when we got home, just to see. We got home at around 2 am and I went into the bathroom to take the test. I was expecting it to be negative like the month before. Bryston came into the bathroom to look at the results, there was a very faded line where the test line is, so at first we didn't think I was, but then we noticed that the pregnant line was very distinct, that's when it all hit me at once, I was shocked, excited, and nervous all at once and began to cry. Bry was so stoked he couldn't believe it, he came over and kissed me, and I told him we were going to have a baby, we were both so excited to be parents to this little baby. I still couldn't believe it so we drove all the way to Walmart which is like 20 minutes from our house just to get another test to confirm it. Of course that one was positive too. I called my OBGYN the next day to set up my first appointment and she gave me the estimated due date of May 31, 2019.

Those of you who know me know how much I hate throwing up, I rather feel sick then throw up. I had been sick off and on the month of September but thought it was from my cyst. Almost immediately after confirming I was pregnant, the nausea became constant. I was SO nauseous. From the second I woke up until I went to sleep I felt nauseous and exhausted. I was prescribed Zofran and had to take that a few times daily, sometimes it helped, but not by much. I also wore sea bands that seemed to also help. I had to do multiple things to keep from throwing up, I just wanted to sleep all day and all night because that was the only time I wasn't so sick. My husband was literally my rock through all of this because he did the best job taking care of me and never complained. He made me peanut butter & jelly sandwiches at random hours, got my pills and drinks to take them with, he would tickle my back when I didn't feel good, he would even help me blow dry my hair or put it in a pony tail because I was too sick and exhausted. It is so amazing what women's bodies can do. I would wake up early in the morning and had to keep snacks and drinks on my nightstand because if I was hungry on top of the nausea it made me way more nauseous, but it was hard because that last thing you want to do when your nauseous is eat. I already would get carsick before the pregnancy, but while I was pregnant the car sickness was so much worse, one day Bryston was driving and I felt super sick so I rolled down the window to get some fresh air, we were almost to our destination so I thought I could make it, but we drove past McDonald's and the smell got to me, we were in traffic and I didn't want to throw up outside the window because there were so many cars next to us and I was embarrassed so I threw up in my hands and all over the car floor, luckily I found a plastic bag so I used that too, Bry still won't let me live that down. (Gross I know).

This picture was taken the day we found out I was pregnant.

It got to the point that I was so sick and had tried so many things and different medicines that my nurse suggested having an in-home nurse come as needed to give me IV's so I had fluids in my body. The first night the nurse came to give me fluids she got one bag of fluids into me and then proceeded to give me Zofran through my IV. My whole arm felt like it was on fire and the fluid was burning hot going through my arm, then I started to get big red hives from my elbow down to my wrist. I told the nurse that it felt hot and my arm felt like it was on fire so she stopped and said that wasn't normal. She asked if I could be allergic, but I was taking the oral Zofran so I didn't think I was. She said that it could be that the baby doesn't like it, she asked if I wanted to try it again just to see if I really was allergic, but I was already so nauseous and that made it even worse so I told her we could just try again next time and I would just take the oral Zofran.

I wanted to shower and get ready for my first ultrasound so I used all my energy to get ready. I did my make up for the first time in awhile and Bryston drove us to our first appointment, at this appointment they had me do a pregnancy test so they could confirm it, as well as blood tests, and an exam as well. The ultrasound technician put the warm jelly on my belly so she could do my ultrasound and showed us where the egg sac and where the egg yolk with the baby was I couldn't believe I was pregnant and going to have a baby, it was all becoming so real and I became so attached. She told us I was measuring at 5 weeks and 2 days and that we would need to schedule for the end of the next week because I wasn't far along enough to hear the babies heartbeat. I wiped off the rest of the jelly and pulled my shirt down, and we went to the front to schedule the next appointment.

Fast forward to about a week later I got up and got dressed for our second appointment, today was the day to hear our babies heartbeat! My Mother-in-law wanted to come to our appointment, and my husband's little sister wanted to come too, we told her that was fine, but left that up to Bryston's mom just in case something happened at the appointment. We met them at the doctors office, and I was called back. I laid on the table and lifted my shirt up so she could do the ultrasound, I had just barely started to get the tiniest baby bump, even my Mother-In-Law noticed and commented how cute it was. The ultrasound technician put the jelly on my tummy and measured the sac, and told us how much the baby had grown since the last appointment. She wasn't talking much, but would answer our questions. She began to look for the heartbeat for about 2 minutes moving all around my tummy. I could tell something wasn't right...

This is something I have debated on writing about, I am still healing but I know that I will be okay and I am happy. I have learned so much from this trial and discovered strength I didn't even know I had. My husband has been my rock through all of this and I am so blessed to have him. Miscarriage is something that is so common, yet it is something that is not usually talked about, it's just not something you ever think will happen to you until it does. I just want you to know if you are going through this that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are strong and beautiful, and you can get through this.

Sending lots of love to those who have miscarried, lost a baby, or are struggling with infertility, and lots of love to everyone else too. XOXO

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